Parental alienation is a deeply painful experience for children caught in the crossfire of adult conflict. It occurs when one parent consciously or unconsciously turns a child against the other parent, often manipulating their feelings, memories, and relationships. For the child, this process can be confusing, distressing, and profoundly damaging.
What It Feels Like to the Child
From a child’s perspective, parental alienation feels like being forced to choose between two people they love unconditionally. The alienating parent may subtly or overtly suggest that the other parent is unworthy of love or trust, leaving the child with:
• Confusion: “Why do I feel guilty for loving both of my parents?”
• Loyalty Conflicts: “Am I betraying one parent by wanting to see the other?”
• Internalised Blame: “If my parent is so ‘bad,’ does that mean something is wrong with me too?”
The Emotional Impact
• Guilt and Shame: Feeling like they are responsible for the broken relationship.
• Fear and Anxiety: Worrying about upsetting the alienating parent by expressing love for the other.
• Loss of Identity: Losing connection with a parent can mean losing half of who they are.
• Long-Term Trauma: Alienation often leads to trust issues, low self-esteem, and difficulty maintaining relationships in adulthood.
A Cry for Stability
Children don’t naturally turn against a loving parent. Alienation is a learned behaviour, and beneath it, most children still long for connection with the alienated parent. They may feel trapped, voiceless, and powerless to repair the relationship themselves.
How to Help the Child
1. Listen Without Judgment: Validate their feelings without pressuring them to take sides.
2. Encourage Open Communication: Let the child know they have the right to love both parents freely.
3. Provide Emotional Safety: Create a space where they feel safe expressing confusion or fears.
4. Seek Professional Help: Therapists trained in family dynamics can provide the child with tools to process their feelings and rebuild relationships.
A Child’s Plea
Children in alienated situations often want to scream: “Please don’t make me choose!” They love both parents deeply and deserve the chance to maintain those bonds without guilt or interference.
Parental alienation isn’t just a rejection of one parent; it’s a betrayal of the child’s emotional well-being. Every child deserves the freedom to love both parents fully and without fear. Healing begins when adults prioritise the child’s needs over their own grievances.
